My parents are in town this week, which is one of the reasons that I’ve been unable to post regularly.  Kinda paradoxical, considering that I actually took a week off to be with them (they live in NYC and this is their first time seeing Nathan in person) and I thought that I’d have more time to write since I’m home.  Not true – I’ve actually had less time because I am spending more time interacting with the baby, with my parents, with the family, etc.

Anyway, here I am, almost midnight, and I just finished dream-feeding the little guy, and my Dad is sleeping in the living room, and I sit here and think how it’s amazing that there’s three generations of Kim men under my roof right now.  Supposedly I look a lot like my dad, and act like him too (according to my Mom).  We’re both impatient, can be temperamental (although I like to think I’m much better at this than him), and can act like a little school boy when we get excited about something.  Now I see this little guy – he can’t talk yet so I have no idea what he’s thinking – but here he is, all temperamental when his diaper is wet (he’s a veritable diaper diva!), unwilling to wait an extra second when he’s hungry, and he gets all excited and hyperventilates when he sees something he likes.

I’ve always been happy to be be told that I’m very much like my Dad – even the things that we get made fun of or the things that my Mom complains about the both of us, it gives me a weird pleasure to know that I’m like him.  And now here is little Nate – a splitting image of me and my Dad.  I wonder how much like the two of us he will be when he’s older?  I wonder if he’ll be happy to hear that he’s like us?

So here’s my boy asleep.  He has been a pill all day, all weekend in fact.  He’s been cranky, ill tempered and impatient.  Not sleeping and when he does, only for 30 minutes at a time.  And yet, once he settles down, knocks out and gets peaceful, he tickles my heartstrings and just makes me break out into a big giant grin.  I’m exhausted, tired, sleepy and hungry, and yet, all I want to do is stare at this kid.

There’s something my parents used to tell me when I was a kid.  During meals, I’d sometimes find them just staring at me without eating, and I’d ask them why they did that and why they weren’t eating.  Their answer was (and I’m going to paraphrase very badly from Korean) that “even if I don’t eat, just looking at you makes me feel full”.  When I was a child, I thought that was dumb, then as I got older I understand conceptually what they meant.  But now that I have this little guy, I think I really do understand what they meant.